As homecoming season sweeps through our local schools—Lassiter, Sprayberry, Walton, Pope, and Blessed Trinity—I find myself in the thick of it, navigating the challenges alongside my son. We recently started the adventure of shopping for his homecoming outfit, an experience that was both exciting and, at times, incredibly tense.
Walking through the store, I could sense the weight of my son’s expectations. He had a very specific vision in mind, heavily influenced by images he’d seen of past homecoming events. Each outfit I suggested seemed to push him further into his shell. The tension grew, and I began to realize that this was more than just a shopping trip; it was a reflection of his anxiety about the homecoming dance and the pressure to fit in.
The pressure to conform is evident at this age. It’s not just about choosing the right attire; it extends to how to ask someone to the dance, how to act on the night itself, and whether or not to bring a date. I felt a mix of frustration and concern as I recognized how much this was weighing on him. The struggle was a familiar one—one I often encounter in my work as a therapist.
In our field, we frequently guide individuals to lean into their discomfort, to tolerate the uncertainty that comes with stepping outside of their comfort zones. It dawned on me that I needed to apply that same philosophy with my son. Instead of pushing him to conform to the expectations surrounding the homecoming dance, I wanted to encourage him to embrace his individuality, even if it meant facing some anxiety along the way.
When we do things differently, it’s natural to feel a little uneasy. This is okay. In therapy, we encourage clients to lean into their discomfort and recognize it as a part of growth. Tolerating that discomfort is an important skill to build. I reminded my son that there will be many times in life—especially during these formative teen years—when the path everyone else is following might not be the right one for him. This could be as simple as choosing an outfit or as complex as navigating peer pressure in the future.
As we continued to shop, I emphasized that it was perfectly okay to have his own unique style, even if it didn’t look like what everyone else was wearing. I also reassured him that whatever he decides for the homecoming dance—whether it’s going with a date, going solo, attending with a group of friends, or even choosing not to go at all—is completely okay. The key was to help him recognize that he didn’t need to be a carbon copy of his peers to enjoy the experience.
Ultimately, the homecoming dance is about celebrating who they are, not just fitting into a mold. So, as we navigated our shopping trip and all the accompanying emotions, I felt a new purpose: to support my son in finding his own way, pressure and all, and to celebrate his unique journey into young adulthood.
My takeaway is that it’s perfectly okay to step off the well-trodden path. Embracing who they are, even in the face of pressure, is the real win of the homecoming dance. Allowing them to practice doing what is best for them, rather than what everyone else is doing, will serve them well now and in the future.
